Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
