8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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