Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
