Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
