I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
