I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were trust falling into bushes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
