were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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