Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
