it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
