So drunk its hurt
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
