Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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