She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
