its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
