You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
