I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
