i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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