True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
