yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
