remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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