TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
COCAINE IS GR8
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
