She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
