When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
