I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
wow bdsm is so cute
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