to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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