So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
