Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
