Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
