It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
