What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
