I got chris browned last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
