apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
