Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
And then he peed in my hair
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