this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
