I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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