Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
