I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
