She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
