Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
