that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
