I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
