Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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