Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
