Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
