I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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