he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
