Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
