Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
