you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
