I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
