My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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